I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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