You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
