Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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