I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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