I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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