Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize