Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
not ubering you a puppy
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
