at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
