end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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