You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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