If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
