My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
