Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
