Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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