Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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