fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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