she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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