you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
