they need to just BURY HIM!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
