it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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