You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
