Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
