btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
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I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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