I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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