you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
