No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
