the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
