Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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