im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
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In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
we should paint friendship bongs
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