Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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