if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
