I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
