Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he thought i was a dude.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
