Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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