I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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