So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
