The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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