Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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