Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
