shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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