You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
