Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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