I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is Oprah even human
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize