Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I feel like a drive thru vagina
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
