So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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