you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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