That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
