everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I want a musical about memes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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