guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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