Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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