I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
