sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize