So drunk its hurt
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
