he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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