i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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