So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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