At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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