you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
