I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
