Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
