Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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