i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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