its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
