so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize