I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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