I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
