He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
