i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
