i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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