a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
