her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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