Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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