just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
