Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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