yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
