Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
