State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
