brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
