College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
