can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
