White coat. Heels.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
