This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
is wine microwaveable?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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