when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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