I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
